What the Evil does.

The evil has no color;
He changes it with his manipulative ploy.
The evil has no religion;
He pursues no ethics.
The evil has no boundaries;
He erases all the faint lines,
With his sin soaked hands.
The evil despises all mirth and joy;
Only but his scandalous victories, that he lives by.
The evil has no regrets;
All he does ever ceaselessly turn accurate.
The evil has no face;
For he runs in the bad blood running through the veins.
The evil feeds on the fear.
Often he seeks to destroy and to tear;
Those who not serving to his conceit right.
The evil with his disgraceful eyes;
And his merciless cold mettle
Often forgets that there is an end he vowed;
Now to himself that he has bestowed.
His end is worse than he knows inside;
Alas! He forgets maybe...scanty his memory can be sometimes
Nor can the saint save him nor can the lord.
Now that the end is here knocking at his door...
Hail! let the evil burn himself in the fire he set..
Himself he has fooled never to be let free again.
Let him burn oh let him burn..
Let him cry in all the misery he caused.
Just when you look for the evil in the crowd..
Forget not, he resides nowhere else but inside you..
Let him out never, for he sabotages you...
The path is never to be followed never to be walked on.
Hush the evil down..
Oh Hush the evil down.

Freedom

I never thought I could write a poem..It occurs to me that I can if I try. Well at least I think so. So my first attempt looks something like this:

I cast my pen upon the paper to write freedom,
Full of wisdom to give.
But no…words seem to have stuck somewhere;
What is freedom? I know…but I don’t know.
I might as well write thousand words to explain what freedom was
How doing your heart, was freedom
How simply peace, was freedom
Wind blowing in the hair was freedom
Singing your favorite song was freedom
Flying in the sky was freedom.

Still I’d be questioning my inner self;
Displeased with what freedom looked like to me
What is freedom? Have I ever been free in my life?
In a moment, I turn poignant.
Then a closer lens zooms in…
I see freedom has a different face.
I see breaking the stereotypes was freedom
Living life without fear was freedom
Opening arms to the new was freedom.
Freedom was beautiful.
Then again, in a different sight, freedom seemed more surreal.
Freedom was more intense and tricky.
Limitless was freedom’s other name…
Is our mind liberal enough to break the barriers of the universe to know freedom?

We are the captives of our own, knowing not,
Freedom is not in conquering the sky or the heart.
A hostage, physically barred may not be tamed inside.
Forlornly, a hipster alive under the open sky might not know freedom.

So, where is freedom? How does it look like? I question once again.
Is it hidden somewhere like those mysteries unsolved?
Waiting for someone to come and discover.
With many perspectives, not knowing which one is real;
I feel ignorant; the lack of knowledge curbs my zeal.
Freedom sees my dilemma, pities my curiosity
‘Oh human’, says she.
Freedom answers to my delight;
“I am nowhere to search around, nowhere to find”.
“For I am in the mind and only in your mind”.

My soul, an artist.

I have always been someone who has loved and admired the vivid world of stories, poetry, dance, music to the core. When I look back to the childhood days of mine I remember obsessing over the world of fantasies through storybooks my mom frequently brought us. I loved reading; it took me into a magical world of Simba, Alice, Neverland, the pirates and Aladdin. My favorite was “The Arabian nights” collection. Books had a certain power in them that made a curious enthusiast child in me blend so well within the fantasy world of the characters. As an avid reader, I wrote…I wrote a lot of poems and stories in my spare times…every time I wrote anything, I would show it to my grandfather who always encouraged me to write better. He himself being a wonderful poet with hundreds of poems in his own poetry collection often said that it could be the genes effect from my forefathers who were into playwrights and stuffs for me to develop such interest. How cool is that? I was also very much into dancing…and my family would nag a lot about for me to stop dancing everywhere in the house…hilarious memories! My parents, especially my father being great singers; I too nurtured a singer inside me to pull off the “gene effect”.  I also had/have this unusual capability of memorizing movie dialogues by heart and loved performing scenes aloud. We were never allowed to play outdoors I guess that’s why I turned out to be more creative than being adventurous. Oh well.

I grew up as an art lover, one who finds herself truly obliged to be a part of such a magnificent world full of art. I discovered about myself that music, writing, movies, dance, and reading…these things complete my identity. They are more like falling in love, with the same feels and thrills…except for the good deal of fact that they have no heartbreaks to retain (unless your favorite character dies in a fiction or Game of thrones). I still get the feel of euphoria from the very first moment of reading a book that was some Peter rabbit book by Beatrix Potter…the first time of stepping onto a stage…or the time I saw Elvis Presley shake a leg in “Jailhouse rock” and almost fell in love with him twice…and the first time I watched the movie Casablanca only to get hooked with classics... I sometimes wish I were in the old times; those renaissance periods, of course. And I know that in my past life I must have belonged to that romantic era of fine artistry. The zeal inside me reveals so much. I will forever be envious of Shakespeare’s brilliance and Jane Austen’s way of presenting romance. I will forever lose myself in the music of jazz and sing together with the rock gods. I am a captive of this artistic world realizing never to be set free but, more than happy to be a part of because they define my inner soul and I feel I was born to be this. I know that I would not be content being a happy wife to a well off man, spending rest of her life in the boundaries of her kitchen and home, making her man, taking care of business. I mean, I respect all of that but its not who I am. I would rather want to travel until my heart aches for home again, with someone I love…or if not…without him. To the roads unknown…to get lost in a faraway world…speaking different accents…humming different tunes…dancing to new beats…tasting different hands…I know I have a hipster heart but home would definitely be the last station I would want to reach…waking up everyday to the tune of a piano…ending the nights with the music of a beautiful melody. That's what a good life looks like to me.

From few personal surveys on myself, I have realized a strange co incidence that I have only been attracted to people who are artistic in nature. Even if it’s a little, I have liked those and connected to those who are into artistic pursuits... Musicians, movie geeks, artists et cetera et cetera. And I find a bond within them, a closeness already and a sense of attachment. It is easier to be in their company…similar vibes makes it agreeable. So if in future if I ever have a heart for anyone as such, I wouldn’t be surprised. I believe world is merely an art. We are the products of such fantastic art of the gods or the universe. Life without music, literature would not be worth living. These make a difference in the everyday chaotic lives of us, people, and will continue making for the rest of our lives. They say artists do not have much in their pockets. Yes…kind of true! But an artistic soul has more than everything that other people fail to receive from the world because they see beauty in everything; they make a great deal out of the pettiest things in life. They know how to live life really and are these splendid creatures in the world full of hypocrisy and materialism. I hope an artist is born everyday and she gives this world a renewed perspective to live with.
Be it the ‘genes effect’ or ‘past life effect’ as I like to call it but I am thankful to god for wiring me this way and also to those who have created inspirations and muses throughout the time for us to aspire for everyday. With such richness they survive…they make the world around them seem so surreal and illusionary that we start questioning everything. I hope someday, I could be a part of this brilliance of human mind in the world where slowly the real beauty is being forgotten with the evolvement of time. I feel I am partly involved already with my passionate love for writing, music, dance and everything. Still it feels I have many more blank spaces to fill. And I hope I find ways of filling them up as I grow old. Oh, I am sorry artsy people never grow old…they remain young forever…young in their hearts.

To my best friend

Dear Sneha,

Firstly, don’t freak out that you have to read! I know you do not like reading long paragraphs but I have tried to keep my emotions short and sweet, which was a tough thing to do. You must have already scrolled down to see how long the paragraphs are, now haven’t you?

I don’t think there is anything I haven’t said to you (because there’s not a single day we go without talking) but some things are meant to be written. So my love, read carefully*DON’T SKIP ANY SENTENCE! And I know you will because this one’s for you!

I remember the first time I saw you, some six years ago, after I switched school. It was my very first day; you were there, smiling that beautiful smile as always…I felt a connection with you immediately. The feelings were of comfort, friendliness, companionship and warmth. You know I am the kind of person who has hard time trusting people. It takes a while for me to open up to anyone but with you, with you it was a mutual feeling of trust and understanding. I knew I could count on you and you wouldn’t let me down ever, guess what? I was absolutely right. 

We are so different yet so similar. We both carry these contrasting personalities, which conflicts with each other at times but still have so much in common. Talking of which, our common love for food, common future plans, and most importantly the love we share. We are not the regular best friends, are we? We totally rely on each other. You have seen me through almost every situation; remember me going crazy for my first crush? To the time, I decided to let go. You have closely felt my emotions, seen me with my anger face, seen me crying my eyes out and heard my loudest laughter (So have I). You also have seen me fall in love, seen me through my gloomy days, and seen me in heartbreaks and pain…overall you have grown up with me. From my weaker worst till my stronger best, you have lived in all. To the world, I may or may not be that “perfect person” but only you know my flaws, my fears are and the not so beautiful sides of me. 

What do I say about you? I love you for being the crazy and weird you and never changing yourself for anyone. I just love you for having a beautiful child-like heart with so much love in it and it makes me love you even more because you are unaware of that …I love you for always being that amazing daughter you are to your family and also a sister who puts her sibling’s happiness before hers. I love you for how you over think even in petty matters, I love you for taking the bigger pizza slice EVERY time… I love you for turning too sensitive at times and of course your unpredictability… I love you for how realistic you are and I love you for how you just smile and brighten up everyone’s life. I also love you for sleeping during the class and leaving me not knowing what to do. (Yeah thanks!)  You have grown so much responsible in these years and I am proud of it I really have learned so much from you. Did I ever mention to you that you give me confidence? Yes you do. When I am with you I feel nothing in the world is Impossible, the way you support me and handle my recklessness, someone else would have definitely freaked out. I honestly don’t know how life would be without your presence, it would be scary and also dull. You have been my best friend my family my sister and sometimes my boyfriend too. Ask me why I am single…I blame you.

Thanks for always sticking by me, in rough times as well as being a part of great unforgettable memories. Thanks for never getting bored of my jokes, thanks for telling me when I look horrible, thanks for making me realize that I am full of imperfections and that’s okay. Thanks for finally agreeing that led zeppelin rocks and metal songs are awesome. (TEE HEE) Thanks for never judging when I put on weight, thanks for being a part of the madness in my life. Thanks for making my life a better place. Most significantly, thanks for letting me know what friendship really is about. Thanks for being my best friend. 

Even though, we plan to do every big things in our life together; from our career goals to the big wedding we both want to the time we have wrinkles. Just imagine us after turning into old grandmas, I know we would still be judging people, ranting about our grandchildren and laughing at the silliest things and of course FOOD how can I forget FOOD. However, if we ever walk different paths in life, I promise to never let our friendship fade away and I promise to support you in all your decisions as I have been doing before. Our friendship will remain unchanged and deep down I know that, I know you too. After all, we have come a long way together and I still can anticipate the further roads we shall walk on... If I have hurt you or let you down ever, I want to take a moment to say sorry but one of my biggest fears would be losing you. Because, you probably have way too much information about me and I can’t afford to risk my personal information. I want to see you until the time I leave for my grave. 

Happy friendship day love. I thank god for giving me a lifetime friend I once wished for. And I am sorry if it wasn't as short as you expected...but totally worth the read. Am I right or am I right?

And take a look at the video too. That's all.

The ride home

It was 9pm, when Raghav left his workplace. He took his car keys and drove off for home. His eyes were weary from the extra chores at work and he wanted to reach his house, which was about an hour away from his office as soon as possible. After all, he was a young man in his late twenties; working harder, thriving for success yet seeking serene from life’s chaotic blues. He turned up some classical melodies in the car, as to an escape to relaxation. It was dark outside with few vehicles on the road, the shops and all the stores in the city; almost closed only with some drug stores still accessible. As he was driving, he saw a tall, huge man near the gas station waving at him, as if trying to ask him to stop the car for a lift.
Raghav stopped. The man leaned towards his seat; he had a dark complexion with a big moustache and an aquiline nose. His eyes, full of wisdom and his hair had whites. He appeared as a man in his mid fifties. Raghav felt like he had seen the man prior to the meeting but he could not comprehend when and where.
“Thank you for stopping, I wanted to get home but my car is giving me a hard time and there’s no place nearby to have it fixed, would you mind me for a lift? My house is just minutes ahead.” Said the man with his husky voice.
“Yes sure sir, you can get in”. Raghav said after a thought.
The man had a crooked smile on his sturdy face while he thanked Raghav for being generous and got inside the car.
“I am sorry for the inconvenience but I couldn’t be more thankful”. He stopped for a cough.
“That is just fine, sir”, Raghav tried being courteous.
They talked for a while about the elegance of classical music playing in the car and Raghav inquired about the man’s home address. But he kept saying,”10 minutes ahead”. After their short chat, Raghav started having second thoughts on his hasty decision of letting a stranger in.
It had been 20 minutes past the man joining Raghav but there was an awkward air of silence besides the background music of the classical melody playing. The man was looking outside the window neutral to the concern of getting home. Raghav grew more and more suspicious of him. He appeared quite robust and the deep scar on his right cheek gave the impression of some bad history he might have had. Overall, the man had a little intimidating and fearsome personality. The swirling thoughts occupied Raghav’s mind along with the moving steering wheel of the car.
“What if he is some kind of criminal; he might be a robber who loots people by asking them lifts or he could be some kind of insane serial killer…why did I even let him in….he said his car had a problem but where was the car? Did he even have a car? Oh! How could I have been so reckless…and why didn’t he bother to ask me where I was going…and why isn’t he saying his home address yet…when is he going to ask me to stop the car and where…why isn’t he talking now..Is he plotting some kind of plan on his mind? Oh, lord! Save my soul…”
The man gave a quick glimpse at tensed Raghav and gave that crooked smile again. He did not speak anything instead put his hands inside the pockets of the baggy pants he wore, trying to pull out something.
Raghav hassled over the thought of him trying to pull out a weapon of some sort, sighed after the man pulled out some bills instead.
”He must be pretending to read those bills just to divert me from my doubts towards him”, thought Raghav skeptically looking at his fellow companion who was busy observing the bills. “But I know something is definitely fishy with this man”, Raghav assumed.
Overcoming his fear, he asked the man the exact location where he wanted to stop. The man still busy with his bills upon which he had his eyes fixed vigilantly, asked Raghav not to worry for his home was on the way to Raghav’s house.
Astounded by hearing the man mention his home, Raghav started sweating. He again started having a series of troubling thoughts on his head. “This is not normal…How does he know where my house is? Is he some kind of stalker? Neither does he seem interested in having a conversation…why? He could have taken a cab, why didn’t he take anyone else’s car but mine?”
The man kept the bills back into his pocket and looked at nervous Raghav. “Are u okay gentleman?” asked he, looking at the sweat on Raghav’s face.
“No I am good…just a little hot in here” lied Raghav, trying to act composed. Though he, horrified, in truth, wanted to confront the man as per to his suspicions but he simply chose to ignore.
“Well then…” the man ascended from his seat a little and went over to reach the driver’s seat. Misguided with the gesture of the man next to him, Raghav panicked and stopped the car.
“What are you doing?” Raghav stammered.
“I was going to put the car’s windows down as you said you were hot, I am sorry if that bothered you”. The man said in a soothing voice looking at Raghav with discomfiture.
Swallowing his spit out of anxiety, Raghav re stared the car and drove off again without uttering a word. He looked petrified and disoriented. The man next to him started looking at him conspicuously, which made Raghav more uncomfortable.
His hands sweated, he wanted to ask the man to get out from the car but he was not sure of the terrible consequences that could build up. Therefore, he sat there quietly, driving in a hasty way as if he wanted to get somewhere safer. However, he was trembling, his nervousness had reached its peak, he could sense the man’s eyes gaze upon him and could also hear the rumbling like sound of the heavy breath he exhaled…all of them drove him crazy. He could not resist the haunting thoughts of the man’s dreadful intentions sitting right next to him. Uncertain what the next moment would bring he started losing his senses. The night outside, was as dark as his entire experience along the time he took the man in for a lift. He kept driving, until it was a critical moment, for his fears had reached the climax, he broke down, breathed heavily, pressed the brakes, and got out of the car hurriedly followed by the huge man, who went after him. Raghav, raised his hands as though he was surrendering and started sobbing, pleading for mercy.
While he looked absurd, the man was startled with Raghav’s actions. Perplexed, the man questioned, “What’s wrong with you?”
“Please don’t kill me”, Raghav said joining his hands and still sobbing. “You can take all my money but don’t kill me…I am a simple man”.
“Kill you?” The man exclaimed. “I think we are having a blunder here, I am not a criminal. If you have ever noticed, which now I conclude, not. I live nearby your neighborhood in the suburbs  ... I have seen you come and go for a long time so I asked you for a lift as I said earlier my car wasn’t cooperating and not merely to hurt you or rob you.” “I should have introduced myself to you earlier but I thought you would be little interested in knowing me as always”. “I am extremely remorseful for what trouble I may have caused you”, said he still in shock and awe.
The words were like paradise to Raghav. There was a sudden relief on his face, the dark clouds around him disappeared in a click and he took a long deep breath as if he had evaded one of his biggest nightmares . He wiped the sweats of horror from his forehead and then apologized the man for acting peculiar. Embarrassed by his own conduct, he asked the man to continue the ride with him. They went back together towards the car, Raghav with a relief walked ahead followed by the man who then pulled out a gun from his jacket.

20 years 20 lessons

Few days earlier, I officially completed my 20 years of existence in this world. 20 long years…feels like yesterday to everything. Therefore, today, I am giving life lessons and pouring my thoughts and philosophies as if I am an experienced and a scholar from life. No not really, (that was a bit of sarcasm and humor indicated to me myself). There are some things I wanted to share, things life taught me in these years. So, here, allow me to take you into my book of philosophy, for the next few minutes.

1.Growing up was not awesome: Yes, it was not. It supposedly, did not turn out the way we pictured. Childhood is the most innocent, carefree and wonderful time of your life. By this I don’t mean that the rest of the other stages of our lives are going to be gloomy and complicated but the fact that, that particular time is just so beautiful and irreplaceable. But, you know what I advise and try to do myself…that you should never let that inner kid in you grow…stay a child by your heart and let yourself grow in your head.

2. Be yourself: I know this phrase is too cliché but it is the most important thing you ever need to know. NEVER ditch the real you for someone else to like you. Trust me that will never take you anywhere. Trying to live hiding onto someone else’s skin is the worst thing you will ever do. Love and be proud of who you are...No matter whatever or however you are like. Every morning wake up to impress one person and that is no one but you yourself.

3.Time waits for none: Oh yes! As I said earlier, time flies…and it’s beyond our control. There is lesser time than you think…life just escapes. Especially to all the lazy procrastinators like me out there...Stop keeping things for tomorrow. We never really know if there is a tomorrow. Essentially, after the unfortunate and heartbreaking earthquake disaster that hit our country few months ago I realized we don’t have much time to waste…for death is inevitable. So, go ahead turn your wish bucket fantasy into realities.  Because, sadly, time waits for none.

4.Love happens again and again…and again: I once had this misconception about love and relationships. I was too naïve to think that love only happens once with just one person in a lifetime and then its done. How stupid is that? But reality is different and thank god it is. Love not only happens once, it could happen twice, thrice or more than that; with different people or even with the same person. Our heart is a chamber of mysteries that holds so much of unknown..And if love didn’t happen over and over again, the world would become a sad place. Similarly, it is also probable to fall in and out of love. Love really can’t ever be made explainable. Even Einstein could not have done it.

5.There’s one person to change your life, and that’s you: I am that person who constantly needed encouragement and motivation from people to do anything I wanted to do. I had this bad habit of seeking people’s reminders of motivational push to make things happen with an assumption that the more the people will ask you to do the more productive you become. But all these years I realized that its never really them, its you who does it all. I remember how I always wanted to start a blog, never really initiated and worked on it but one day, I sat down, wrote my first article and finally started it. All that time, no one really came up to me and asked me to do it…it was me,myself. So, if you think the people around you are going to help to make your life better, then stop right there. You are the captain of your own ship. You have to negotiate with your life. Aye!

6.Never expect from relationships:  Like anyone, I too use to have a tons of expectations with the relationships around me and that is, well, a part of every human nature. Just a year ago, I had this prospect of meeting that “Mr.right”; the perfect blend of everything I ever want in a guy. I now realize by doing that, I was creating a certain expectations’ boundary for my future partner, which, I know, would never work. In relationships, you never EXPECT anything. I have seen many people hoping for their relationships to make their lives better or make them better persons and that is a complete no-no.  Don’t wait for someone else to take you to the dance floor, rather make your life a dance floor and bring in those, who can dance with you. Expectations are a tunnel to the disappointment world, don’t let yourself through it. Be the best but never expect anything out of it.

7.Letting go is essential: This is something that I have to constantly remind myself…something I am still learning. Hanging up to the things that are no more serving you is useless. You always need to let go. Life is all set to bring new things to you…unless you are going to carry things from the past; it becomes unfair, when you are unlikely to walk ahead and keep looking back when there really is nothing out there. Moving on is a part of living on.

8.The rule of perfection: What is perfection? Where will you find perfection? Perfection is rather a vague term for me. I don’t believe in it. I think the world we live in is made up of glitches itself, so how can we, the creatures of such, seek perfection everywhere we go? Everyone we meet? The next time you search perfection you end up in the black hole, because it’s the last place where you could find it in.

9.Wishes really do come true: Now, this is not some “law of attraction” I am trying to pull off here. This is something I have closely felt and witnessed, like in those Disney movies, wishes really do come true.

10.Stay humble: Humility and humor, I found to be the person’s key personality traits that I happen to admire the most. A humble, person appears more knowledgeable, and more respectable in all manners. I think it also something that a successful personality should possess.  The less you act like you know, the more you actually learn. It really is important to be aware of your strengths but that does not mean you need to repeatedly interpret it to the outer world.

11.Sad experiences boost you up: Ever had a tough time and wondered why were you even born at the first place? Oh yes, most of you have…definitely, And its normal..we all get caught up in the negative whirls of emotions when things don’t go the right way. However, sad, and tough times are like the boosters you need to gear up for life. It is what, that makes you wiser and teaches you more about yourself. Never lose faith when there are dark clouds hovering around you, for they will surely make way for the sun.

12.Solace is important: Socializing is significant as we are ‘social beings’ but it is more important to have a peaceful and private time to oneself. Some time spent in solace, gives you many opportunities and series of moments when you can reflect upon what you are doing or where you are going with your life. It is important to just be with yourself and let yourself connect to the spiritual part, which will really provide you with helpful insights. Escape the chaos sometimes and be with just you.

13.The mathematics of give and take: I know that a person who is generous and giving can always win the day. But there is a limit to everything. Too much of liberality maybe appreciable but it is not always going to be the best. There are such opportunists and selfish people out there who just suck the life out of you. Give openheartedly, but make sure you are gaining something out of it. Never underestimate your self worth in the time while you devote to the ones around you.

14.Experience everything: We live just one life as us. So why should we die curious? I believe, you need to experience everything that is out there but also should make sure you never grow any sort of addiction to any of such things that could possibly harm you or are less favorable. Get to know things, take yourself closer to your curiosities but don’t make an attachment.

15.Life doesn’t get along with your planbook: ‘The planbook’ for me is a name I gave to those of our common future plans we all make. “I am going to have a exciting career, an apartment in New York or living somewhere by Europe and a beautiful/good looking, wife/husband.”We all have our planbooks. But, often, life becomes antonyms to such planbooks. We not always get what we desire. Unpredictability is the other name for life.

16.The yin-yang theory: This theory is something I highly believe in. Now, my theory is that there exists a little good in something very bad and a little bad in something very good. A bad character is not completely bad while the good character may not necessarily be completely good. Such characters only exist in Shakespearean tragedies. In real world, I think everyone is a blend of both.

17.The relativity theory: This is no economic theory. Relativity theory means that if you start comparing yourselves and your life to that of others then it is never going to make you happy and contented. We are always going to find everyone else’s life more appealing than ours, no matter what. They are going to appear better or superior to us in every possible way, unknown to the fact that they too have their personal struggles.

18.Happiness is what we want: Everyone is in a rat race; trying to win, trying to be the best, thriving for success, gambling their luck for more fortune. Yet, the common point behind everyone’s rush in life is, happiness. We all want to be happy and we all have our own ways for finding that happiness, nevertheless, only few realize it is somewhere inside them and not in the worldly pleasures.

19.People leave: The sad part of the life we live is that nothing is permanent. Life is so fickle. And people in our lives are only for a certain time being. Some go away with their own consents while some just leave, without actually wanting to leave. At the end of the day, what we only have of them, are the memories. Isn’t the world we survive in, just so surreal? So, while they are just there, we should not waste a moment to tell them, how much we care and love, before they depart and it’s too late.

20. Don’t fear failure: We are humans. We have evolved through time. We have created history. And all the history has been there because there were failures, there were defeats. Just as much victory is important, defeat is significant too. Had there been no losers, the invincibles could have never made it to the spotlight. The pain of rejections and failures you face makes you become a tougher soldier in the battlefield of life. Never fear one of the biggest life lessons you are ever going to get from it. Lose once, twice, rise again and do it the next time. Fear of failure only lies in your own perceptions.

A girl I know

Let me tell you about a girl. A girl who, I know for 19 years now. Who has shared her best and worst moments of life and will continue the journey together with me. The unsaid, the unheard, the silent cries, the inner joys, the fake smiles and all of that she chooses to hide away from the world, she never really can hide it from me.
She was born with two aspects to her personality. The one; who loves to spend time to herself, jot down those deep set emotions and thoughts on a piece of paper and who loves to indulge into life’s deeper meanings and tries discovering all of life’s secrets and mysteries as though she is some philosophical thinker. The one that appears reserved, calm, composed and serious for some people to an extent. The one who lives under covers. While the other one who is just as contrasting. The one that is chatty, witty with words and outgoing. Who loves performing;  the idea of mass audiences, applauses, spotlights and stages appeal to her. She takes life as light as a feather would weigh…who turns out to be a mess in a while, one who loves to laugh and becomes the reason why people around her laugh with her humor full of irony. Who lives without fearing life’s lows and grays and isn’t really interested in digging up about life’s meanings instead chooses to be spontaneous with whatever comes her way.
Two people in one. ..Confusing? I sometimes wonder if people would ever understand her conflicting personas?
As a little girl she was always an imaginative and a child full of questions; some of which answered and some of which still left unanswered. A girl who highly believed in magic and still does. A girl who could and can go hours staring at the stars and found/finds it extremely mysterious. A girl who used to think there exists a magical land somewhere around the world with real fairy godmothers, goblins, witches and a magic carpet! A girl who thought there really is a good looking prince like guy for her somewhere, who could dance like Jackson, with a guitar to sing for her and only her and would come for her not in a white horse, rather  in a black limousine wearing a tuxedo and  a hat, materialistic isn’t it? Materialistic and unusual…she was fascinated by the scintillating life of celebrities on TV. I suppose it was likely as a reaction to it.
A girl who grew earlier than her age allowed her to. And knew the differences between black and white of life. Who never understood the mathematical expressions but could read expressions on people’s faces with an ease. A girl who knew about love but never really understood the logic behind trying to look pretty just to impress boys and ultimately get hooked up with one. Who had a hopeless crush on someone she never spoke to and waited for a miracle to happen by never taking any chances. Who once did a silly mistake of trying to change just to fit in the crowd and hurt herself initially by deceiving the real her.
A girl who found her soul in the rock and roll, that she continuously sang quietly due to “Music made for boys only”, kind of a misconception . A girl in whose playlists you would never find a Justin Bieber but you would definitely find all kinds of Metal tracks to choose from. A girl who loves Thrillers and mysteries more than Rom-coms and the wacky stuffs. And is also one of those boring persons who loves classic movies and songs. In fact, classic everything. She should have been born in a different era.

 I sometimes envy and disapprove her habit of being meticulous with people in her life. I hate how she has trust issues but love how she carefully avoids people who are opportunists and fake. It is good how she wisely chooses to spend time with few people that make her happy but it is also sad that she will be experiencing less than she would. She knows the difference between buttered words and the real ones. Oh how she loves to analyze every situation from all the angles that derives several questions and then causes her anxiety later. She can’t stop over thinking. She just can’t.
A girl who may appear simple and sweet to you but until something offends her then you might want to reconsider your thoughts about her. She has an anger that can actually burn; no, you do not want to see that part of her. She chooses silence over fiddling and pointless arguments but isn’t afraid to speak up when she has to.
One thing that I hate the most about her is her bad habit of holding on to things to a level of obsession. Once she knows something is hers, she will become obsessed with the idea of it. And will find it hard to let go….but…she is learning. she is that person who will fall for things in life that she knows wont fall for her. And she often gives away too much without expecting anything in return and that I think now is not really appropriate in all cases.
Learn….this word closely implies to her. She hungers for knowledge and finds ways to grasp knowledge from almost anywhere. Her need of travelling and learning keeps her alive. Also her big dreams that she chooses to keep herself closer to. They complete her. She's also that girl who will have an ear for what people say but ultimately does what her heart tells her to..she always does what she feels without fearing the consequences..now I think that is great.

I have seen this girl’s vicissitudes, her highs and lows, her struggles and joys. I love the way she stays strong even in the most disturbing phases of life. Inside, she is a fighter who does not easily give up on things.  Moreover, I love her for what she turned out to be. I am proud of how she thinks different...And I know this journey, called life would be a fun ride with her! Because no one really knows her, the way I do and no one really knows me the way she does. Sambridhi, it’s you I am talking about.. Yes! You.

7 Women in my life

I tried to write this from a guy's perspective. It looks as though it's only a love story. But if you take a closer look, it's much more than just a "Love Story". Hope you have a good time reading it.

Jane:    I first saw Jane when I walked into the class as a new admission in 4^th standard maybe…I took glance of her…she was different…she had this straight long hair; while every girl in the class made ponies she left it over her shoulders. Her sweet and innocent smile…and those dreamy eyes! Jane was absolutely pretty…as a child she made me happy…I was happily ready to share my lunch with her, I was okay with even giving my marble collection to no one but her, In fact I was ready to share almost anything when it came to her…I liked having her around…I loved it when she wore that red dress she once wore in her 10^th birthday party. She looked cute in it. I couldn’t see her crying…I didn’t feel good inside when she did. I felt like comforting her but then I wouldn’t. Jane and I never really spoke much. Two years…two long years of unspoken words….and sadly, after those unfortunate two  years, she left the school and I felt lonely…sad..Betrayed..Angry..Lonely.
                                                                        ****

Marion: Marion came to my life when I was a teenager. In my early teens,  when I used to be popular and Marion, a diva of the whole class. What drove me towards her was; my friends…yes my friends…they always would mock around about what good couple we made and how I should go and propose her. She was an all-rounder; good in almost everything and she was very graceful. She also had those beautiful dimples that added to her beauty. She was undoubtedly  the prettiest girl in my class; every guy craved for her attention and I was the lucky one to win it. She brought me tons of gifts and love letters …..I wrote her name in my wrist and said I would love her forever. I remember the first kiss we had…Awkward, sweet, memorable! Aah! The “first love” thing….it was all about those silly love songs which I sang for her and then, she blushed. I thought I was in love but now I know I wasn’t. We had to separate when we left for high school.

                                                                       ****

Rebecca: High school….same stream…same class. Rebecca was an attractive girl. A little tom boyish by nature. Her slender body,her beautiful rose-petal like lips made her appear more lady like. She was different than me…So different. They say, opposites attract and it did…I was inclined to her bold attitude and her confident personality while she took interest in mine. We soon became good friends and then things turned different. “What’s wrong with your hair?” she used to say running her soft hands through my hair..”Change your hairstyle please, it doesn’t suit you”. She didn’t like my hairstyle for some reasons but I wouldn’t change it because I wanted her to touch my hair more often. Her little grey eyes were so unique, every time I looked at her I would never miss looking into them. I said I loved her and she said she loved me too..we shared notes, studied for exams together, came for classes together, left classes together, went on movies together…everything together! We talked for wee hours on the phone…she would always be present in every thing I witnessed…my friends complained about how I started missing catching up with them after I found Rebecca but I couldn’t help it…I almost started falling in love or maybe I was already in love with her… but she broke my heart. She ditched me for a guy named Steve, who she once called her childhood friend..all I knew was I was heart broken and she left me over some guy. She never really loved me…”Its not you, it’s me” I remember how she said that after deciding to call it quits. But, it was not her…it was not me either…it was both of us.                                                  
                                                                               ****

Neena: Neena was my ex-girlfriend, Marion’s high school friend. I remember She had short hair…she was good looking, tall, and that perfect nose! I don’t know what but something about her nose was so appealing..we met in an art class which I joined later of my interest. She too was an excellent artist. We grew fond of each other very quickly due to our common interests in abstract art and common favorites like favorite artists or favorite soccer players and also with the common thought  of resisting love…but maybe she forgot that later…and fell for me…I lied…I wanted to keep it casual…she believed …she was serious. Neena, was a very sensitive girl, she would end up in tears if I ever said something to her. She cared a lot about me; you could say she showered all her love and care that nearly scared me. She called me after every hour to check on me if I was doing fine or not. She was totally into this while I was not…her love her care was too much for me to take! I knew she would never leave me heartbroken like Rebecca but still, she wasn’t right for me. I had to return her love back cause I knew I didn’t deserve it …so, I had to break her heart.

“Is it Marion?”

“No”

“Rebecca?”

“No”

“Then…why?” she asked in tears

“I’m sorry Neena, it’s not you, it’s me”.

She never spoke to me again but she taught me the difference between “someone you love” and “someone who loves you”. I will always be guilty of hurting Neena in my life.

                                                                     ****

Scarlett:   While I was attending university Scarlett was a junior to me. She was a hardcore party animal!  A typical rich spoilt brat; she was stubborn and arrogant in attitude and also a girl who never took love relationships seriously. She had a casual approach to everything! She changed her boyfriends like she changed her clothes…every guy lasted around 2 months or so…she was a gorgeous lady with long curly hair, a dusky complexion and a curvaceous body..Any guy could fall for her looks. She was simply attractive. Except for her aesthetics, I really admired her realistic character..she was what she was and always proud of that regardless of what people talked about her .

“You’re hot”, I remember how she said this when we first met at a friend’s party while taking tequila shots.

“You too”, I flirted back. And that’s how it all started. Scarlett and I had nothing but a fling.

She once said to me how she seeks perfection in every guy she dates…and how she never found someone to match up to her expectations.

“I don’t want only men to take a woman as a material…we can do that too.”

Maybe someone or something in her life had caused deception of some sort; for her to turn surprisingly negative about love and men. I wanted her to know not all men are the same..But later I decided for someone else to do that for her.

Scarlett was in my life for a very short period. After I graduated from college, we decided to end our casual affair and stay in touch.
                                                                          ****

Alyson:  Alyson came as a rescuer in my life…as a life jacket to someone drowning in a deep ocean of troubles.  She was my colleague first then a friend and a girlfriend. When I started working, I met this beautiful girl of fair complexion, long hair with bangs, sweet looks and a smile that reminded me of Jane… she wasn’t skinny, slightly chubbier and had a great personality. She was everyone’s favorite at work…and everyone seemed to trust her with almost anything. I recall the time when, I was facing a lot of issues with my job and dealing with stress. Nothing was working as per my plans and everything seemed messier but with Alyson, it turned simple. She was always there to constantly encourage me and as my pillar of strength, she stood besides me. I loved her and her little quirks…I loved it when she could solve world’s biggest problems but often would worry about little things like “what to eat for lunch?” or “which color nail paint to choose from”?

Alyson and I were somewhat different from each other, where she was outgoing and sorted I was never a people’s person and always confused when it came to making important decisions. She completed me…a soul mate she was….I realized love; when I met her.

We did have problems; Alyson disliked my need of solace and detachment from the people’s world….while I disliked her need of spending too much time with her friends.  We had this difference but always worked it out.

 She was my only girlfriend whom I introduced to my friends. They liked her.They knew I was going for real this time. It was one day before New Year ’s Eve when one of my friends decided to organize a huge party- cum -get together and invited me and Alyson too. Alyson couldn’t attend it as she left for a short family vacation so I decided to go there by myself. And this is what that changed everything…a twist in my and Alyson’s story.

At the new year’s eve party, one of my old friends introduced me to a girl…who looked like someone I knew very well ..someone familiar…someone from my past…it was…

Jane: “Do you recognize her?” My friend asked. “C’mon make a guess”.

I was trying to regain the consciousness of the moment after suddenly time traveling in thoughts and reaching those childhood years.

Her sweet innocent smile much sweeter than before, her dreamy eyes, dreamier than ever ….her long hair…comparatively shorter…and by co-incidence she wore the red dress. She hadn’t changed a bit, I thought.

“It’s Jane”, he said and I came back from a whirlpool of mixed thoughts.

“Hi Arthur”, she said.

“Hi Jane”

“It’s been a long time”, I said looking at her beautiful eyes that I just couldn’t resist.

“Yes, long..long time”. She smiled back and took a sip of the wine. “You guys carry on”, I’ll be back “, my friend left.

I talked to Jane after nearly 15 years maybe…after waiting so much….only to realize how much I wanted to see her and how happy I can feel seeing someone. She gave me nostalgic and euphoric sensations.

“So Jane..what do you do these days?” I asked her out of curiosity.

“Oh, a lot of things…I am an archaeologist by profession but I am a part time writer and also a ballet dancer.”

“Wow, that’s cool”.

“What do you do?” she asked me.

“Umm…well nothing much..I am just a computer freak”.

She smiled that smile…oh how beautiful she looked that evening.

We talked about a bunch of old things…reminiscing the past…the good old days of childhood.

That party without Alyson, could have turned out to be seriously boring for me but it didn't...in fact it changed my life forever. I realized that Jane was never gone from my life; she was always there. Since the time she left the school to that New Year’s Eve day she’d been present throughout. We studied different high schools in the same locality, just 10 minutes away…under same university and we later also found out that Jane’s ballet classes was just opposite to my workplace. I was stunned. So was she. It was strange that we crossed paths but never really knew of each other’s presence and never really met.

“Destiny”, we both concluded, like every destiny believers do.

At the end of the party, we exchanged numbers and that’s how it started shaping. After that night, on New Year’s Day, I felt like a new person. I don’t know what it was …but after meeting Jane something had definitely changed.

 Alyson came back from her vacation and she knew I was different. She knew that I wasn't the same Arthur she knew.

“I met this old friend of mine…she’s an archaeologist…she has invited us to watch her ballet dance performance, would you like to go ally?” I asked Alyson

“Yes..I’d love to see her”, Alyson replied in a rather suspicious way.

I and Alyson together went to see Jane’s ballet. As it begun, I could just see no one but Jane…The room was filled with her and only her I forgot Alyson was there with me…I forgot about any one else’s presence. It was just her. She was graceful the whole time.”She’s so talented…and beautiful…” I kept thinking.  As the dance ended, Alyson asked me to introduce her to Jane.

Jane came to see me after the end of the performance; she looked a bit disappointed to find Alyson there with me. I could tell that from her face. I didn’t tell her about Alyson the time we met. I couldn’t say her that I had someone in my life already and I couldn’t lie Alyson either and go to see Jane’s performance all by myself.

“Hi, Alyson..i am Arthur’s girlfriend”, Alyson said.

“Oh, I’m Jane”. She looked confused.

“You were very good today”, I tried to change the direction of the whole awkward situation.

“Thank you”, she said smiling.

We talked for a while then we had to leave to attend Alyson’s dad’s birthday which I just wanted to avoid. But I had to go because I couldn’t turn down Alyson.

Her dad was turning 61 and there was a big bash going on…I was standing there in a corner, away from the crowd, with a glass of wine, thinking about Jane. ‘What must she be thinking of me’…’I must have told her about Alyson that day’. Surrounded my several thoughts, I decided to give her a call. I asked her to see me the next day, she reluctantly accepted and I waited for that day to happen.

We met the next day. She was carrying a diary with her that looked really interesting, I wanted to see what’s inside but except I started talking about Alyson. I told her everything.

“She is pretty”, Jane said. “You guys look good together”.

Jane was hilarious. She knew how to make someone laugh. She was a girl with an easy go attitude. That made it better with her. I confessed to her about how much I wanted to talk to her when I was in school but never really had the guts.

“Why? Was I that scary back then?” She humorously asked. I also shared to her about my past relationships.

“I’ve had six major relationships so far..1..2 less or more”. I told her. “Some had pretty eyes, some had pretty nose, some could sing while some could cook so well”, I said emphasizing on my experiences with women.

“Only six?” She remarked sarcastically.

“But I’m not a Casanova”. I wanted her to trust me.

“Everyone does no one really accepts”.

She also talked about her few failed relationships and how she said, “Life is not a fairy-tale, where a prince will come to your castle to take you away with him and you live happily ever after”. “You are definitely going to meet and love few villains before you finally make it to the prince.” She was so good with the words, I thought.

Jane was just like me…she didn’t like it in the crowd, she loved serene places. “It sometimes becomes suffocating between the people”. “We need time to ourselves too and we forget that”, she used to say. Jane and I both shared love for Italian food and reggae music. I told her about my love for art, and how recently my life felt uninspired without my passion being followed in years and how I kept my canvas dusted and rusted. She insisted me to start painting again. And I finally did…it felt like my life only had grey and white colors before her entrance and how colorful it had finally started to become.With her the time just seemed to fly..And I wished to hold it for once.

I once found Jane’s same interesting diary, one day after we had lunch together..where she had left it unknowingly. I wanted not to read it but then I had to, it was like a journal….where she wrote her biggest fears, her biggest dreams and aspirations…it was merely, a reflection of her. I fell in love with that human being. I felt like I understand her more than she does  and she; she could read my mind.

I fell in love with my childhood…my muse. I fell in love with Jane. She was that part I could never share it with anyone else. It felt like I was destined to be with her. Alyson had given me so much but it was never the same with her….she was always with me even in the worse of times, but it was never the same with her..she was an amazing person but it was never the same with her. Maybe she was better than Jane in a lot of ways but it was never the same with her. And with Jane, it was different. It was beautiful.

 I found out how in every girl, I kept searching her…I wanted to find Jane in everyone I met and in the course of finding her, I ended up making mistakes…breaking hearts…broke my own heart…but at last, the point I needed to reach was Jane herself. And that I only realized after meeting her.

Alyson knew about it. She was a smart woman…she knew I was falling out of love with her..and so was she.

“It is her, isn’t it?” Alyson asked me.

“Yes”.

“Good luck, I will miss you”, she said.  I held Alyson’s hands for the last time and then let her go forever. Of course I would miss her. But this had to happen. I confessed my love for Jane. We both knew what we feel for each other. We always did. Since the time I saw her for the first time, yes, since that day we both knew that sparks flew between us. We know there was something. We just knew it, that we were in each other’s plans.

And now Jane continues to be my friend in this journey called life. She is the last woman I ever fell and will fall in love with because I am sure of one thing that it’s never going to be the same with anyone else. Ever!

                                                                           ****

When time Flies...

Time is a moving ship. It is beyond human control and it is something that gives lessons that makes you, what they say, ‘wiser’. Time changes and so do you. You either get better or get worse. Change is mandatory. It is and will be an essential portion in human life. We all go through changes which is required for the sake of variety in life.

Just as Shakespeare divided human life into seven stages, life really has stages and different phases. I haven’t experienced all those stages yet but this is as far as I got.

Remember when you were into cartoons and fairy tales. When the only games you played were hide & seek and fire & ice. When you thought the moon follows you. When you wanted to have everything that you couldn't have and how you could just cry and whine to get them. How you thought your parents were some kind of superheroes who could do almost everything and anything you wanted. Remember when you couldn't wait to grow up? It feels like yesterday doesn't it?

It feels like yesterday, you first got that sensational feeling of attraction towards someone. How you liked that the way they looked and the way they smelled. How you sang love songs and only love songs. How you thought your parents didn't understand you at all and your friends get each point of you. How you tried hard to be cool and took that cigarette and blew away the smoke. It was all yesterday?

Was it all yesterday? When you first joined high school and how you felt like a grown up and you owned the world. When having fun was the only mantra and how you went on road trips with your friends after bunking classes. How dating was fierce and how love relationships took over your priorities .How your freedom mattered the most when your parents questioned your new look. How you couldn’t wait to grow more and leave high school forever.

And it also feels like yesterday when you decided to follow your dreams and get more responsible. How you started valuing money and how you finally knew what relationships really were. When you realized how much your family matters to you and how much you need them in your life. When you got ready to fight for your identity and prove your worth.

Yes it does feel like yesterday but BAM!! It’s today…when you realize you’re growing up and leaving behind all those things and taking nothing but memories (and some captured memories, i.e.

., photographs) that too will fade as time goes by. Is it only me? Or anybody else too feels this? You know the feeling that time is running away and so many things are changing, people are leaving, people are coming..Things become different. You change, your thought process changes, your priorities are different etcetera etcetera. This leaves me emotional! I get a strange nerve-racking feeling and a sense of loss. Oh! The mix of emotions…wave of sentimental feelings. All at once.

I feel if I could hold time for a while and say, “Hey there, calm down! What’s the hurry?” I really wish I could do that and just pause time for a while, if only that was actually possible.

But time has to flow and life has to go on and the earth has to spin…we can’t help but be the puppets of time and destiny. Today again will be the yesterday someday and so will the tomorrow. Because this is the way it is. This is the way the whole universe wants it to be.

If time travelling really is possible then I would definitely love to relive the beautiful memories of my life ONCE MORE!!! You only experience things in your life once. I swear nothing can be re-done; everything has its first and last time. So, unless we can actually time travel I suggest you to live your present to the fullest. Cause this time, this moment isn't getting back, because time flies and you can never catch it with your hands. NEVER.

 

Why Staying Positive is necessary

Life is full of highs and falls. Ups and downs and we never know what’s coming next and what is it bringing to us. We can’t sit and worry about life's consequences.We have to wait until things happen and we get ready to face them either with courage or without it. So today I am going to let you all give some good reasons to why we should be less bothered about things that give our anxiety, our fears, and all the sleepless nights a boost and let all good things keep you immune from negativity. 

Staying positive is necessary because it is a good thing. Yes as simple as that, staying positive is a good thing and then everybody should do good things.

Staying positive is necessary because it gives you energy, confidence and makes you strong enough to come face all the villainous situations life has to offer.

Staying positive is necessary because remember that the thing which is taking half of your brain’s space and pissing you off and ruining your mood at present,  won’t even matter to you 1 year(less or more) from now.

Staying positive is necessary because you are beautiful and amazing no matter what size, color and religion you come in.

Staying positive is necessary because you never know what will come next, everyday is itself a new beginning; a new chapter.

 Staying positive is necessary because life has phases. Phases that will pass with time and time that flows quickly will be the biggest healer of all your inner wounds.

Staying positive is necessary because as it is always said there comes a morning after a night, there will be better days after every worse nights; it is the process of human life.

Staying positive is necessary because every  life experiences particularly sad experiences makes you wiser and they are your best teachers since you learn so much from them. Something you would never find in books.

Staying positive is necessary because only you know how much you have been through and you are the HERO in your life. Everybody is. And it doesn't matter what others say. You are awesome.

Staying positive is necessary because positivity equals to happiness. Now who doesn't wants to be happy? 

Staying positive is necessary because there ARE and WILL be some people in your lives who will love you for being who you are no matter what. 

Staying positive is necessary because today you made someone smile and someone is happy, all because of you. And that’s great.

Staying positive is necessary because we all are special and sometimes feel ugly, duff, unwanted, misunderstood etc. etc...Feel as though life has been too harsh to us, blame god for everything and curse our existence and even want to give up on everything including life or get invisible and not see anyone so that they realize our worth, Yes we all do feel that, that’s right you’re not alone!! And that is understood. But my friends, this is life and it is all that comes with the package called life. But just imagine without all these would life be fun? It would be simple and easy. Isn't simple and easy a little boring? We need thrills and adventures too, don’t we?

 If we never knew what is it like to be sad how would we ever know the worth of happiness, Right? Without a little pain we would never know the significance of healers. Therefore staying positive is something that not just keeps you alive but helps you to see and not just see, but focus on the brighter side life has. Keep smiling and be positive.

So, wherever you go don’t forget to have a positive mind and a happy heart because at the end of the day if you have a smile on your face despite the rough time you've had you are simply A HERO. YES YOU ARE.

:) :)